“I ain’t settlin’ or just getting by, I’ve had enough so-so for the rest of my life, tired of shootin” to low, so raise the bar high…”
This seems to be my theme song lately. This and a few others. Never EVER getting back together with ANYONE that’s unhealthy, family, friends, love interests…none of it. This summer I did a clean sweep of my life, and honestly, things have really turned around.
My last post was around my birthday. This has surely been neglected! I wrote of happiness and love and all the things closest to my heart, while simultaneously trying to mask the largest amount of inner turmoil that had been brewing for quite some time. It was a last-ditch attempt to stave off the inevitable. So, about three weeks after I got home I set off my own A-bomb. What a nice change. To take control of my own life and choose better, so much better; for myself, and for the girls, was liberating, soul-saving, refreshing, and the hardest damn thing I’ve ever done.
So, now, after some of the dust has settled, I’m THRILLED to say that life is blissful. Like, really blissful. Not fake blissful in that every thing has worked out, or is perfect, but in the sense that every single thing has come about at just the right time, when I needed exactly. This seems to be a common theme in life that I seem to forget. Sometimes I’m so wrapped up in fixing things, or figuring them out, that I forget to just live them, let them unfold and be content with exactly what’s in front of me. But, learning all the things I have in the past 6+ months has made me the strongest mumma, the strongest woman, and someone who finally knows the value of good things. I’m so lucky to have my girls. Lucky to have a job, a new one on the horizon, multiple options, and my little thing…that little tiny sweets thing I started a few years ago…well it’s slowly coming back. Which gives me the faith, that one day soon, I’ll own a full-fledged shop. One that’s all mine, a place where I can call the shots, and make sure it’s done the way I want it: FINALLY. Things are small right now, but I was sure in March when I made all those little decisions that led up to the big bomb, that it was all over. But, it’s not. It’s just begun. And, really, life has just begun. All over again. And I can’t wait! I can’t wait to be me. And be the best me I can be. Life is such a gift. Finding satisfaction in the hard work I put forth every day is what drives me to keep going.
I’m thankful to say that everything is alright. That everything is OK. That it’s exactly how it’s meant to be and it’ll all be alright again soon. I know there have been quite a few concerned friends- and to those I say, thank you. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for being loyal, and true, and everything wonderful for, and to me, and my girls. Thank you for being patient, and waiting, while I figured out the hardest transition of my entire life. Thank you for STILL being patient while I work out the kinks in this crazy thing. But thank you the most for showing me that honest people exist, and that I can count on the love you’ve continuously displayed. Y’all know exactly who you are. Each of you are a strength to me in a way I cannot truly express enough gratitude for.
Hopefully, this will have some more regular updates. I’ve found that writing and playing my beloved piano are my releases lately. Therapeutically, words offer me a discharge in a way most things can’t. Thanks for the love, the patience and the silent support. I’m truly amazed. Thank you just isn’t enough.