contentedness

I had an entire post layed out in my head ready for tonight… but then chocolate got involved and well, now it’s gone.  I’ve had chocolate on my mind for way too long and thank the heavens above, I’m finished with Easter stuff now!!! If I don’t say so myself, N and I are pretty big badasses.  We cranked out a TON of stuff tonight in a matter of 2 1/2 hours and finished up everything we needed to do.  It was such a huge relief and I’m excited for our celebratory get together on Saturday evening after the kiddos are in bed!  Another holiday down, and another success…  we work great together as a team and I just adore her.  It’s so much fun to be able to say I love what I do and who I do it with.

Now that chocolate is off my mind I’m hoping I can remember everything I really wanted to divulge. 

I realized today, driving alone in the car with my music blaring, how content I am.  Yes, my relationship status sucks.  It gets old REALLY fast to always be crapped upon by someone who once claimed to love me, but I’m so content in where I am personally that it’s difficult to not just burst at the seams and see the positive all around.  And it’s so interesting, because since I’ve found my little zen place inside, I have this confidence that I’ve never known before.  I know (for the most part) who I am and what I’m all about.  I can honestly say that I’m ok with staying in UT for a few more years.  The place has really grown on me, as much as I’d like to say that with a large amount of hesitation, I just feel at peace about the whole thing.

I feel at peace, that what is meant to be will eventually manifest itself, and the less time I spend trying to force that process along, the more time I have to live in the moment and just be.  I’m learning to really appreciate just being.  Being with my girls and listening to their crazy sayings and their abundant giggles.  Being there for the people I love the most, and watching the ones that love me the most continue to be there for me.  I’m inspired by the people I’ve surrounded myself with.  It’s just fantastic to me how much love and support I feel every day.  It’s a feeling that has previously been foreign to me, but one that I am so grateful to finally be acquainted with.

I love being able to just find the simple pleasures in life.  I found some new glasses last week.  They thrill me.  When I look in the mirror, I smile at myself.  When I leave the house there’s a little more bounce in my step and I try to smile at everyone I pass, not just because of my über cute glasses, but also because I’ve found a sense of true happiness.  While I’ve never been so crushed in my life, my greatest joys and happiness have been realized in the last few months.  I would never wish the sorrow I’ve experience with a failed marriage on anyone.  The hurt, the lies, the deceit-it’s all be incredibly painful; at times even physically painful.  BUT, my sweetest victories have been found in the every day things that I can appreciate more so because I am reminded day in and day out how fast they can be revoked.

I am so thankful for my greater understanding of the opposing forces in the universe.  For the chance to know the very bitter, but also the very sweet.  Do I wish there were things I could change about my life now?  Most certainly.  But am I so delighted for every day that I am alive and exuberant and joyful?  Without a doubt!  I could not ask for a larger sense of contentedness and peace about a situation I never imagined myself to be in. 

May the stars align for everyone else like they have me.  I’m so thrilled!