Sarahvlp's Blog

insomniac March 21, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — Sarah @ 3:36 am

It’s 4:30 in the morning.  I’m effing tired.  Exhausted really.  It’s been a weird, WEIRD night.

Do you ever have a non stop reader board going on in your head with things that need to be solved or dealt with?  That’s what’s going on now.  And it’s annoying as hell. 

Pay Chase cards.  Figure out how to pay off at least one credit card with remaining tax money.  Find a way around the retarded 25-to-rent-a-car-in-Oklahoma rule.  Book flight and hotel in Oklahoma.  Process weird phone call that I received this morning at 1am.  Process the fact that it feels like there is not one person in this world that actually knows how to tell the truth.  Debate with yourself over sharing the “lake” analogy with the blogging world.  Consider the recent happenings with T and how to be a better mom.  Figure out how to motivate myself to drive 12 hours to my parents and see them for a few days, because really, it’s long over due.  Hold the bliss in my heart about awesome conversations with awesome friends.  Don’t write off humanity just yet, there are still those who are worth something as human beings.  They do exist… just few and far between apparently.  Process this week’s shrink appointment and what I can gain from that.  Process my “timeline” project and what to add to it next.  That’s about 1/10th of what’s really ticking through my mind’s reader board.  Sheesh… what I’d do to just figure out a way for each thing to scroll through once then drop off the radar.  Or better yet, turn off the reader board all together.

Meh.  It’s SO frustrating.  I’ve got 7 books sitting on my night stand, all waiting to be finished, started, or continued.  I’m not in the mood to read though.  I’m not in the mood to think either.  I’m in the mood to flipping sleep, but it’s elusive tonight, which means my entire day tomorrow is going to be inevitably fucked up too.  Which is REALLY annoying.  Perhaps I should crack open that meditation book sitting on my nightstand.  Lord what I’d do to fall asleep right now.  I hate laying awake in bed.  Thank heavens for laptops.  At least I can lay in bed and type!  Thank you modern technology. 

I really feel like going for a run.  But somehow I’ve misplaced my damn asthma medicine… it’s been over a week since I’ve taken it and I’m starting to feel it.  And it’s 4:30am.  Who goes running at 4:30am!?  Crack addicts when the cops show up.  That’s who!  Screw crack addicts.  Screw crack addicts that lie and screw other people over.  Is there a surviving race of people that don’t screw others over?!  That’d be nice.  What I’d do to join that colony of people.  There’s an Amish furniture store going up a stone’s throw from my house.  Maybe I’ll ask them what it takes to be Amish, besides wooden furniture and friendship bread. 

Until sanity returns… stick this song in your pipe and smoke it for a bit… This guy is freakin’ amazing.  He’s soul soothing to me.  His name is Mat Kearney.  My lands, what I’d do for a private concert with this guy.  He’s pretty spectacular.  I like him a lot.  This particular song has done quite a bit for my mind in the last few months.

“Won’t Back Down” Mat Kearney

You woke the morning up
Running off my darkest night
The longest fight I’ve seen

And here goes a chance I know
Cashing in on all my chips
Let all my ships come fly

These days, a little bit longer than the last
And all of these ways, a little bit stronger than the past
And your light, found my bottle in the night
Gave me second life, you kept me in this fight

And I won’t back down
I won’t turn around and around
And I won’t back down
Doesn’t matter what comes crashing down
I’m still gonna stand my solid ground

And you found me once and for all
I laid it down in the sinking ground
The hopeless undertow

Singing out the gentle sound
Rattling through my smoking screens
My broken dreams last night

And these days, a little bit longer than the last
And all of these ways, a little bit stronger than the past
And all of your light, found my bottle in the night
You kept in this fight, you gave me second life

And I won’t back down
I won’t turn around and around
And I won’t back down
Doesn’t matter what comes crashing down
I’m still gonna stand my solid ground

And I sing hallelujah ripped through my veins
I heard the hammer drop
My blood in the rain
Sing hallelujah came like a train
When all is lost, all is left to gain

I won’t back down
And I won’t turn around and around
And I won’t back down
Doesn’t matter what comes crashing down
I’m still gonna stand my solid

And I won’t back down
And I won’t turn around and around
And I won’t back down
Doesn’t matter what comes crashing down
I’m still gonna stand my solid ground

Hallelujah…
Hallelujah…
Hallelujah…
Sing Hallelujah…
Sing Hallelujah…

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