Today has been a fab day, taking into account that yesterday didn’t really end until about 5am this morning. Seriously, I’m pretty sure all considering, I haven’t had a day as wonderful as this one has turned out in a very long time. I think it’s been a culmination of lots of introspection and attempts at bettering myself that led to today’s victories.
A few months ago when I thought my world was basically shattered, I layed in bed that first night with tears streaming down my face and realized that I held all the pieces in my hands. My happiness and my life was mine and no one else’s. And not only was my happiness mine, but ultimately for the time being, the happiness of my children was up to me as well. I’m pretty sure I cried more than I ever have in my life that night, and if we’re being honest, for about 2 solid weeks after that. Slowly though, I started to pick things up. I put the pieces of what was left of me back together, and the ones that were misplaced or were missing parts or even some that I never knew existed, I set aside. A lot of those pieces are still set aside. I don’t have a marriage anymore. The committment I thought that I made for life was mocked and trampled upon and then shoved in my face in every direction I turned. I realized that my life was full of a bunch of human beings that did not care about anyone but themselves. I was shocked, but resolved.
It’s a relief to be rid of a large part of the negativity and fallacies that had flooded my life. I feel so much happier and know that no matter how much life feels like it’s over, there are so many reasons to continue and so many reasons why it’s really just barely started. There are so many fantastic people who can not just fill, but overflow the fissures that were left- I’d be missing out on those people if I hadn’t gone through the bullshit first and allowed them to surface after the muddied waters had settled.
Today was a bright sunny day- albeit cold- but thank the Lord the sun FINALLY came out! A lovely friend called and suggested we take the kids to the park. It’d been a rough morning with T & C, and took me nearly 45 minutes to convince them that going to the park was a good idea. 5 outfits, 3 pairs of socks and 4 coats between the two of them, we finally were dressed and ready to go.
The park we went to is one of my ABSOLUTE favorites in SLC. It’s massive and houses tennis courts, a swimming pool, 3 playgrounds, a ferris wheel, an aviary, and SO MUCH MORE. In the summer there are hippies that come and sell their tie-dyed shirts on the side of the running path. Any time of the year you can find people doing outdoor fitness of some sort. Today as we pulled up there was a homeless man practising Tai Chi and some pretty rad dance moves in the middle of a huge open field. Our destination was straight through this field. I’m not afraid of homeless people in the least bit, but occasionally SLC’s transient population can be a little pushy in their demands. We continued to walk while I smiled about this man’s unabashed grooving. As we were passing him he yelled over and asked if he could tell me something. In truth, I LOVE talking to these people. They’re hilarious. They offer so much comedic relief, but are also a very humane reminder for me of the circles of life and how blessed I am.
The man continued from half way across the field to tell me that I was the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen. I started laughing my head off and told him thanks so much. He went on and said, “Any man would be lucky to have you!” I replied with, “You’d think so, but apparently he doesn’t!” He went on and just told me that I had the most beautiful children as well and he could see God was shining all around me. I felt bad for laughing at this man- his sentiments were appreciated more than he could ever fathom, but the more I thought about it, the funnier it was to me and the happier I became.
This stranger had totally just made my day! I felt like everything that I’ve tried to exude in the last few months finally was apparent to someone- and this someone was a man who had no idea who I was or what was going on in my life. I’m so glad that he shamelessly yelled at me from across a large field. I’m pretty sure that a woman can never be told enough times that she’s beautiful- and when it comes from a complete stranger, it’s even more flattering! I came home and thought about this sweet old man(I apparently run into lots of those…) and how much life is about helping and uplifting the people you cross paths with. Last week was my opportunity and here was karma knocking at my door.
I could go off for hours on the things that frustrate me with the world, but today has been such a pleasant day, that all I want to do is think of potential. I’d heard the following song plenty of times before, but never knew who sang it. A friend of mine had it posted on his Facebook today and I am thrilled to finally put a name to the tune. It invokes such hope. I LOVE IT. Enjoy! =)
Matisyahu “One Day”(quite befitting, it’s also the 2010 Olympics theme song)