Healing March 13, 2012

Today is my birthday.  I used to think it was negative to expect, or even desire that people go out of their way for you on your birthday.  I grew up hearing that this was a day unlike any other and the rest of the world didn’t really care.  But, today, ESPECIALLY this year, I learned they do.  There are SO many people who care.  And being cared for, is blissful.  My phone and Facebook page were filled with literally over 100 messages of care, and love.  Each one, noted and stored in my memory.  Each one a bit of salve for my soul.  So, THANK YOU.  Thank you to D and my girls for my awesome sign in the hotel room, and for my new piano music.  Thank you to my close friends watching my house while I’m out-of-town.  Thank you to P, for my incredibly creative and AWESOME birthday package.  And to each of my friends for their texts, their “I miss you!” and “I love you!” and “Happy Birthday beautiful!” messages.  Those messages mean so much to me.  This birthday has been the best yet… and I expect that every year after will now also be just as awesome.  I can’t wait to come and party with you all!  I truly have the greatest friends ever, and the very best people in my life.  I am so, so, SO lucky!

I spent today at the happiest place on Earth:  Disneyland.  I spent it with my girls and one of my best friends.  This was exactly where I needed to be.

A few years ago if you’d asked me about what I pictured my life to be in 2, 3, or even 4 years, I never would have said where I am today.  I have gone through some of the biggest struggles of  my life.  Some of the greatest betrayals too.  Ones that I thought were impossible for any human being to commit.  But since those realizations, it’s been about finding a way through the struggle.  As a child, I had a book about going on a lion hunt… every challenge the boy comes across, he mentions, “Can’t go over it, can’t go under it have to go through it”.  The focus is on experiencing whatever it is he comes across.  Not going around them or over them, but experiencing them and then moving on to the next challenge.  What great advice!!!!  Life is not about circumventing our trials.  It is about embracing them, then finding a way through them, and then, probably most important: moving on.

The past couple years have been a journey of redefinition of myself:  of my role as a mother, as a daughter, a sister, a friend, and as a human being.  I’ve learned that the greatest forgiveness yields the greatest joy.  That when people are unhealthy, you can still choose to love them, and accept them.  That even if you love and accept someone through forgiveness, this does NOT mean you have to maintain a relationship.  You do NOT have to love and accept their choices and those subsequent actions.  Loving and accepting someone does NOT mean you have succumb to their demands either.  I’ve also learned that people will surprise you, if you let them.  I’ve had more random acts of kindness in the last 2 years, but I believe it’s because I’ve looked for them.  People are all around you, willing and ready to show their compassion, if you just accept it.  Learning to accept help has been a great struggle for me, and something I continue to struggle with, but, I have learned that doing it all on my own robs others of their desire to help, robs me of the lessons I could learn from someone else, and robs my kids of the chance to see how others live their lives and make decisions. My new way of life, and looking at relationships, has allowed me the freedom to move on from things that have troubled me in the past.  That freedom is invigorating and inspiring.  I’m so glad for the challenges I’ve been given.  They’re exactly what I needed. =)

 

I’ve also learned that I have the greatest capacity in me.  That I CAN do anything; a knowledge I didn’t have before.  I have a list of places I want to see before I die.  Disneyland with my girls was one.  San Fransisco is another.  I’m knocking those two out in one week.  I can’t wait.  Already, this trip has been one chock full of memories, laughs, giggles, smiles, and JOY.  A joy I wasn’t sure existed still.  But it does.  And it will continue to.  I’m insanely grateful for being able to take my girls and show them that life exists after trauma.  For them, and for me.  Regardless of what’s happened in the past, you can move on.  Never forgetting the trauma is inevitable, but realizing that life exists and is still so beautiful after has been a whole new realization.

Yesterday, as we ran through ride after ride in the park, the elation on T’s face was AWESOME.  It was so refreshing.  It was as if my sweet girl was whole again.  Like no one had ever touched her.  Like everything in life was perfect.  During one of the rides, I watched T control how high we flew, and saw the excitement and wonder in her eyes, and heard her happiness through the endless giggles.  It was like breathing life into my soul.  Life is so rich.  It’s just waiting for us to take it all in.  And just like that ride- we control how high we soar.

As we watched the end of the night fireworks, and listened to the narration, Julie Andrews said, “dreams really do come true”.  That my friends, is true.  It has been my dream and greatest desire to give T back what was stolen from her.  And the past three days, I have.  And the next lifetime, I’m going to continue to.  I want to show her all the most beautiful things in the world and experience them-together.  Because the joy I see on her face gives me the hope that anything is possible. Because the happiness in the last 3 days, has healed my heart in a way I never thought possible.

Thanks to all those who made this the best birthday ever.  My heart is so full right now, I could burst.

Dreams do come true, hearts do heal, there is love and life after struggle and pain, and you CAN do anything!!

All my love,

S

Writer’s Block February 25, 2012

There’s a lot going on in this pretty little head of mine…  I’ve got so much going on I can’t seem to decide where to start. 

So… I imagine I won’t be updating this till mid march after my birthday trip.  I can’t wait.  I’m going to a couple epic cities where I will drown my concerns away with characters from my own childhood, places I’ve dreamed about since I was a little girl, tasting chocolate from the source, seeing a place kinda like 2 years ago, and hopefully meeting more people to enhance my journey.  And of course: showing my girlies all the most perfect things about life.  That life should be enjoyed to the fullest always.  Where I can forget that I have papers to file that make the last 2+ years official, a job to find, and a life to revamp…again.  But that’s ok.  Because I’ll be spending my birthday with the most important people in the world, seeing places I’ve wanted to my whole life.  Yeah- I’m making my dreams happen.  Are you?

Holidays 2011 December 17, 2011

Holy cow… 8 days from Christmas?!

Thanksgiving went well at my house.  As usual it was packed with friends, and even family this time.  My parents drove down with my little brother, and my sweet grandparents came up from Vegas, as well.  The house was filled with people everywhere; just how I like it.  I love knowing my door is open to anyone who doesn’t have a “home” for Thanksgiving, plus all my wonderful friends that just want to spend the holidays with me.  I really am the luckiest girl…either that or I bake the best turkey. =)

Now, it’s smack dab in the middle of December and I honestly have not really done any Christmas shopping.  Money is tighter than it’s ever been, and oddly enough, I have LESS stress than in years earlier.  I know something will work out, because it always does.  I’m not stressing because my girls have a few gifts to open, and really, that’s all they need.  It’s not so much about what’s under the tree to me anymore, but if everyone is happy.  My girls are so sweet and so kind, and I couldn’t ask for more.

How did this year fly by so fast?!  And with so much crap?  I was talking with a client the other day and she mentioned all the things that happened since I’d last seen her(Christmas 2010) and what an awful year this has been.  I wish I could disagree with the loathing… Unfortunately 2011 has brought some really down times for nearly everyone I know.   But, recently it’s also brought some of the greatest life lessons… look for a post soon about all the things I’ve learned in 2011.
Until then, I hope you and yours are doing well.  Sometimes I wish I had a million bucks to take everyone I love on a giant vacation and introduce y’all to each other; I really am blessed with the best people in the world to be standing next to in life!

Au Revoir!

Updates November 7, 2011

Life has been SO weird lately.  So.so.SO weird!

Where to start… I suppose with my favorite subject: my girlies!  T is now a kindergartner who is loving school.  She’s in a great school, with a brand new teacher and seems to be loving things.  I haven’t been terribly thrilled about Utah’s retarded schedule of every Friday being an early day, and I swear, she didn’t even go half of October at all!  I’ll be thrilled when I can afford private school. =)

C is at home with me, not in preschool, which I actually love.  Every day we get some alone time and I feel like I’m finally able to give her some undivided attention.  My biggest concern has been because of all going on with T, that C has not received the love and attention she deserves.  Its nice to be able to give at least some of that now.  Most of the time, we hang out at home, but frequently will get out to Starbucks for some internet time.  She gets her own computer and plays games, or watches a show on Nick Jr.

 

In other updates, I re-filed for divorce a couple months ago.  It was a decision long coming, but still strange to do.  D and I did it together and agreed on the terms.  It’s so nice to know that we are still close friends and that we can show the girls that even though some things in life don’t turn out, you can still make the best out of any situation.  The divorce will be finalized sometime in early next year.  It’s a little strange to think about all the change coming up in the next few months, but its also interesting to think about a new beginning.

 

The ending of this summer brought another trip home to the South.  It was blissful.  Much too short actually.  And if my RETARDED camera ever would let me pull the pictures off, I’d post some…

It was wonderful to watch one of my best friends, really, a sister to me, marry her best friend.  Hallie and Chad had a beautiful wedding.  It was fabulous to see her family, meet his, and finally clear up that it was NOT me who drank her dad’s liquor cabinet dry when we were teenagers.  =)  Her baby sisters are not babies anymore and have grown into beautiful girls!  Her parents are still some of my greatest role models. Meeting “grand-daddy” was also a highlight.  Hallie looked GORGEOUS and had everything planned out so well!

All of my friends that came out Saturday night for dinner and the piano bar were also a bright spot.  I’m so lucky to be blessed by the greatest friends.  I think I saw around 40 people in 5 days.  It was a very busy trip, but so much fun!!  This time leaving was more difficult than the last, because its the first time I haven’t had a trip already planned for the next time.  Hopefully it will be sooner rather than later.

Life quickly resumed in Utah when I got back.  Besides the normal routine of school for D and T, we also recently learned D’s grandfather passed away.  Grandpa was probably the only person consistently kind to me in Dave’s family.  The fact that NONE of D’s family contacted him was pretty disgusting, but, par for the course.  I did have an old friend with close family ties contact me and was able to find out how he died, which offered a lot of comfort to D.  What’s most pathetic is that D works with his little brother’s wife.  He got her the job.  She’s attempted to get him fired on occasions before.  She basically lied to their boss so that she could have the day off for the funeral.  Disgusting again.  Sometimes, I’m still appalled.  I’m not sure why I’m appalled, but, it breaks my heart for D.  Every time.  I’m so glad that no matter what our relationship is, we’ll still be a family, because we share two beautiful girls.  I’m so glad he chooses to not associate with such filth of people.  I’m so incredibly proud of the person he’s become, and continues to be.  No one is perfect, but considering where he came from, I’m so proud he’s chosen to rise above it all and be something more.

Something else monumental would be the communication between myfamily and me resuming.  I’m still not confident in my decision, but it’s a step in a different direction.  They’ve had frequent communication with the girls, but not really anything regular with me for about 2 years.  My sister just had her first child in September, and my parents and brother will be visiting soon and will see the girls for the first time in about 20 months.  We’ll see how it goes.  I have reserved optimism.

And the best for last… I’m now in a relationship!!!  It’s a little strange to type, but it’s so wonderful.  Hilariously enough, he has the same name as D, which is just crazy!  Things are going well and I’m so happy to have someone so loving, supportive, patient, honest, caring and willing to accept the situation just as it is.  He adores the girls, and they adore him.  I ADORE HIM!  He’s fantastic!

 

For now, I think  that’s about it…  I’m so blessed again and again with the people in my life.  For all my constant supporters.  New and old.  So, to all of you:  Thanks.  I love you.  You make my life what it is.  I know there are those far away who keep up with my through this blog.  My apologies for not writing sooner(B!).  I hope you know I think of you often.  Until next time. =)

Phoenix, Kindergarten and another trip home! August 24, 2011

I’m sitting in the Phoenix airport on a long layover before I get home… home meaning the South.  I’m going back for yet another wedding and as usual, I’ve met the most interesting people along the way!  This always seems to happen!  The last time I was in Phoenix was January 2005.  Thinking about how different my life is now, to back then is just crazy.  Phoenix reminds me of all the reasons I was not ready to be in a relationship.  Phoenix reminds me of why I hate family road trips.  Phoenix reminds me of the Fiesta Bowl.  I hate football.  It reminds me to never compromise who I am again.  FOR.ANYONE.  Phoenix reminds me of forgiveness too.  That even when people are hideous, you can still choose to be above the trash.  That seems to be a theme that life allows me to learn a lot.

Kindergarten…oh my goodness.  I can’t believe that started today.  Luckily I was able to be around for the first day.  We took T in, she whimpered some and asked me to stay, teared up and begged me to stay and I had to stand up and go… one of the hardest things for me.  Metaphorically, today marked such a huge change in my life that it gets me all teary thinking about things.  In no time T will be in high school, and then off making her own decisions.  I just hope I can do an adequate job of making sure she knows how amazing she is!  When I get back, things will change even more, and that I’m not looking forward to.

This trip home will be shorter, but no less full of great friends that are like family.  Lunch dates, a dinner just for me and of course, watching my sister get married… I’m so excited!  I can’t wait to go home, get away from SLC and be me for a few days.  I must admit, its nice to just be Sarah again for a couple of days.  I’m so blessed to be able to go back, to have someone I love and trust be with the girls while I’m gone.  Life is amazing.

Till I get home!

S

Happy August 4, 2011

Holy smokes… August?!

Today I registered a very nervous, excited, sweet 5-year-old for Kindergarten.  It was CRAZY.  Crazy in the sense that my child is old enough to go off on her own into the public school system…which can be a pretty brutal world.  My hope and prayer is that I’ve taught her that she is so perfect just the way she is.  There’s no need to be anything but herself-ever.  Registration was mainly paper work, with nothing terribly exciting happening until class list is posted and then back-to-school-night.  Regardless, she was excited to see where she’d be going and the ladies in the office. Hopefully this will be a GREAT school year.

After we got home she and I both had a good cry about all the big changes coming.  I promised her that while they’d be big changes for a while, eventually it would become routine and be normal again.  I hope this is true…it was an effort to convince myself as well.  The thought about going back to corporate America at sometime in the near future scares the hell out of me.  The thought of shuffling kids to ten million places makes me reminisce on the days when it was just me and my sweet babies at home: simple and perfect.  But, onwards and upwards for everything in life I suppose.

In spite of all the changes I know are coming, I’m still so content.  There is this odd sense of peace.  Like I’ve never been more content with me and everything surrounding me.  I’ve never been this confident in my life about my abilities to handle whatever life decides to toss at me… Yeah it may be a shit storm for a while, but I’m good at picking pieces up and putting things back together.  It’s glorious to have that knowledge going in.  I know that eventually my little girlies will bounce back.  Because they’re incredibly resilient.  And they’ve done it many times before.

I love being a mom.  I love being me.  I love being alive.  I feel so blessed everywhere I turn.  I have the coolest, awesome-est, fantastic, most supportive circle of friends that really want the best for me.  Their unconditional love is inspiring to me and reminds me just how lucky I am to be exactly where I am right now. Its a love that until now, I’ve never known.

Utah has brought me endless heartache, but it’s also done wonders for my soul.  The clean mountain air of Park City, the stark contrast of a bright orange and purple desert sunset against the mountains, the sound of the snow softly falling, blanketing newness over everything, and the love and concern of some of the greatest people I know; it’s all allowed me to heal my heart in ways I never expected.  Moving here was one of the most difficult things I’ve ever done.  Staying here, with all that the first 5 years entailed, was the most difficult.  And now?  Right this very moment has been the greatest part of my life.  Learning about love, forgiveness, compassion, acceptance, parenting, relationship and most of all, finding joy in everything- it’s all been the best part of life.  I have this renewed sense of hope in the world, even with the knowledge of the filth that’s out there.  I believe with all my heart that things, and even people, can eventually change.  I learned that here.  In this unlikely place called Utah.

I hope wherever you are in your life you can share at the very least a fraction of the joy I’m experiencing.  Life will never get any better than the day you’ve made for yourself today.  I love being right here, right now.  Surrounded by all the wonderful things and people; including you!  Thank you for adding to my journey.

All my love,

S

Way too long… July 27, 2011

This summer has flown by and already we’re looking at kindergarten registration and some major life changes in a month! While I’m nervous, I’m also excited. It seems as if life continues to hand me new lessons each day. I’m doing my best to keep pace!

I feel awful its been so long since I’ve posted, but things have been crazy-with my health, D’s school, T’s therapy, and a very inquisitive C. Thankfully things seem to be slowing some, and hopefully this will give me a chance to catch up.

I realize I still haven’t posted pictures of Oklahoma yet, and my next trip is less than a month away! I’m so excited to go back. A very good friend of mine in SL pointed out recently that Oklahoma is my solace. Its where I go back to for stress relief, its where some of my fondest memories were made, and more importantly, continue to be made. I feel so blessed to have a place like this where I can go and feel free. This time, though short, will be no less important and I can’t wait to watch one of my dearest friends marry her best friend, who is a fantastic guy!

Updates later on everything else will come later I suppose. Its been a whirlwind of events over the last few months with the continued realization of the cycles of life and relationships in everything around me. I can’t wait to come out on the other side of this fog and realize all the things i’m meant to learn. I’d love to speed this process up, but I think that would defeat the lessons. Life just takes time, and i’m willing to wait, and find the joy in the interim.
Till next time…when I don’t have to update from my phone!
Au Revoir!

April Showers May 5, 2011

How can it be that my last post was almost a month ago?!  April flew by, but yet dragged on in ways I could have never imagined.

While there was a lot of moisture in Utah in April, the title of this post is more referring to life’s shit storm that was April.  April brought another massive surgery with a hellacious recovery.  April brought the death of two great men, whose daughters I’m very close to.  April brought more behavior struggles with Victoria.  April brought tons of school crap for D.  April brought that *fabulous* chest cold during my surgery recovery.  Seriously… the list could go on and on.

My problems though are so inconsequential when I look at the losses two of my dearest friends and their families suffered.  My dear friend Laura lost her relatively young father very suddenly.  Though I’ve never met Lee, his daughter is like my sister, indeed numbered among my family.  She has been there for me through so much and I can only imagine the kind of man he must have been.

The loss of “Tom Senior” also hit very close to home.  Nichole and Tom are some of mine and D’s greatest friends.  They are our family.  They were kind enough to let us be part of such an intimately painful part of their lives.   It was my privilege to be there with Tom Sr. and his amazing family through his last days.  What a great man with such a wonderful legacy.  Being able to be there for my friends was such a great lesson to teach my children about the cycles of life, and the dedication you should have to your family- blood relatives or not.

I’m still digesting all that was April.  I’m still trying to wrap my mind around how so many, many things happened in such a small span of time.

April brought about a lot of discussion between D and I about T’s therapy and the sexual abuse that occurred.  While looking through my stats I realized some of D’s family has been “stalking” this blog.  Do I care?  NOPE!  Look away assholes.  I hope the world knows how perverted and disgusting you are.  I realize that some of the gossip mongers have shared the link to this and you know, I’m glad.  I’m glad that you are now aware how disgusting D’s parents are.  I hope you choose to protect your children instead of ignoring it.  D and I knew the day would come when eventually his siblings all found out about this.  It’s their prerogative to believe it or not.  All we know is the truth that happened to our daughter, and what it’s done to our family.  We will stand firmly next to her, choosing to believe her and support her- because both have us have seen the effects of what happens when lies are perpetuated.

In closing… as a reminder more for myself than anyone else, I swear,  I will post pictures and a brief summary of Oklahoma soon!  I need to get on it… I’ll be back out there in a few months with more pictures and more stories! =)

I certainly hope May brings less stressful memories, and that April’s lessons can be learned and archived… I’d like to never go through some of those experiences again.  I’m so grateful for such an awesome family of friends to be surrounded with.  They truly lift me up when things are crappy and I’m so lucky to be surrounded by such awesome people.  Nichole and Laura- Thanks for being my sisters.  I’m infinitely blessed by the presence of you and your families in my life!  I love you guys!

when everything works against you… April 7, 2011

Lately I’ve felt like everything is trying to sabotage my peace.  I’ve come to this really awesome place in my life and with myself and it feels like every good thing that comes along must be tainted, or only temporary.  It’s kinda frustrating…ok really frustrating!! 

However… a while ago I found this poster:

I found it in a store called World Market and I LOVE IT!  After researching its origins some, I found that it was a poster the British government made in 1939 at the beginning of WWII, to keep morale up.

Keep Calm, and Carry On.

Frequently throughout the day I repeat this to myself.  Yes, life is incredibly stressful some days.  But it’s interesting, because the more I keep calm and keep going, the more trivial life’s stresses have become.  I’ve been able to focus on so many great things I am blessed with every single day. 

I have the sweetest girls.  Most days are not without challenges, but lately, I’ve realized just how lucky I am.  To have both, completely perfect in their own ways.  Ohhh they drive me crazy, but without it all, I’m not sure what I’d do.  The struggles with T have not left, and for some reason C has started having allergic reactions, twice a day, to only heaven knows what.  But, with each struggle we overcome I feel like I get closer and closer with both of them.  I see how they run to me when they need something and while it’s not always convenient, it is so so worth it.  I love knowing they trust me, they believe in me and they love me- even if most days I feel like I fall short of the mother I want to be.

I really do have the greatest friends.  Monday was a particularly rough day for me.  I had 3 friends call and make sure I was ok.  One of them completely out of the blue, just because he was thinking about me.  He then continued to listen to my emotional rant about how terrible my day was.  All without judgement.  And at the end, he offered some comfort and a few laughs.  I think about all the amazing people I’ve come across in my life and I honestly wonder why I am so blessed.  Why all these really freaking awesome people have converged on my life and made it what it is.  Not a day goes by that one of them doesn’t call, text, facebook, or email how much they love me.  And that makes me feel spectacular. 

Tomorrow I go in for a considerable surgery.  This will be 5 in as many years.  While the jitters have faded, I still contemplate that there is always the possibility I could not wake up.  And if I don’t, have I made damn sure that everyone I love, knows it?  I suppose it’s a little morbid, but I never want to leave anything unsaid. 

So, to those in my life- Thanks so much for all your love and support.  I really am surrounded with (as cliché as this is) living angels who make each day so incredibly enjoyable.  I’m so glad to have each individual counted as my friend, and really, a part of my family.  To my girlies…You are both so awesome.  Your laughs, your giggles, your smiles, your squeezes, hugs, kisses, “I love you”s, they are all counted and numbered in my mind.  I love you both so so much.  Thank you for making me a mama. 

On that note, when the drugs have worn off, I promise I’ll write a huge long post about Ooooooklahoma.  With pictures.  

Until then,

Au Revoir!

updates all around! March 29, 2011

WHAT?!  Has it honestly been almost 2 months since I’ve updated?!  We cannot be at the END OF MARCH?!  (insert expletive here)  I cannot believe how fast time goes!  Soon, I’ll post pics and a synopses of our big trip home, but this post will have to tide you over till then!

 

Updates… hmmmm… I suppose I should start with the fact that it feels like last week I was typing that very difficult post on sexual abuse.  It probably feels like yesterday because that post has not been far from my mind on any given day.  T is still going to her therapy, though we’ve now hit the rough part.  Actually, shortly after that post was written, something changed.  I think it became less of a novelty and my whipper snapper of a girl figured out that we really weren’t gonna be playing games and making crafts at therapy.  There would be hard work…and really, that’s not very fun.  Especially if you’re 5.  That being said, I’m still so proud of T.  We have a LOT of problems at home, but our saying now is, “It’s going to get worse before it gets better”.  And that’s ok.  Yeah, sure, most days moving to a desert island while simultaneously flying the bird to everyone I’m leaving behind sounds like a dandy option.  But, that being said, its the optimist in me that says to myself, “Dig your heels in and figure this out.  You’ve already put in so much work.  Giving up now would be stupid.  Quite complaining and deal.  It WILL get better.  It just takes time.”  At the end of the day, I know I’m making the right choice by keeping T in therapy, even though she hates going.  I know that I’m making the right decision to clean this wound now, however painful it may be, because leaving it up to T to clean later in life would be irresponsible.  I know how much work it takes to clean out emotional wounds that are years old.  It’s not fun.  If I can save her the grief, I will.  At any cost.  Even my sanity.

Hmm…. what’s next…. C!  C will be THREE this week!!!!  I can hardly believe my baby is 3.  She is so funny, so sensitive to others needs, and so sweet.  Right now the highlight of my life is our weekday routine.  Three days a week I get to wake up with just me and this cute punk.  She “snuggies” up to me and we spend about 45 minutes in the morning just cuddling and talking.  It’s the best part of my day.  Hands down.  C has so many awesome qualities already and I love watching her little personality unfold.  She has her own little plan in life and I’m so glad I get to help her figure that out.  Happy Birthday to my fantastic, funny, adorable baby!  Mama loves you more than you will ever know!

Speaking of birthdays… D, the girls’ daddy also had a pretty big birthday.  He spent the big 3-0  in a hotel in Oklahoma watching the girls while I hung out with my friends…Thanks D!!  Later that week I also celebrated a birthday. I was able to spend the stroke of midnight with some of my best friends celebrating.  It’s been YEARS since I’ve been with these people on my special day.  It was blissful.  Later that day, I also got to see one of my best friends marry the man of her dreams.  My day was spent with so many other awesome people, I nearly forgot I added another year to my tally.  At the end of the day I was exhausted, but exhilarated.  Spending so much time with my family of friends was a gift larger than I could have ever asked for.

I can’t wait to post pictures and tell y’all about my FANTASTIC trip home!  My girls got to visit Oklahoma for the first time and finally meet the people that mean so much to me.  They met Aunt Natalie and Uncle Ricky(plus Johnnie!),  Grammie Pam(in the nick of time!), the always awesome Sermersheim family, and Aunt Hallie(and soon to be Uncle Chad!), not to mention see Aunt Cynthia and Auntie Em after WAY too long!  I seriously can’t wait to post pictures!!!  I’m also eagerly awaiting my trip to see my dear friend Hallie marry her prince charming, Chad.  I adore these two and will be back out in August for their special day!

So much has gone on in the past month that I feel like I could write for 6 hours and still not have covered everything, or expressed the gratitude I have for life.  If there’s one thing I always try to remember, it’s what a gift life is.  I think when you remember that, it’s easier to view the monotony of every day as much more than the grind.  Every day is an adventure.  A gift.  A priceless allotment of time that can never be regained.  Making the most of it every day is my goal.  I have been so incredibly blessed with the greatest people in life.  I don’t give Utah enough credit, but my circle of supporters here, while significantly smaller, is no less important, and no less amazing.  I have two girls that are like sisters to me, and so, so many other great people.  I’m so glad I have them all here.  It has made this odd life here so much more vibrant and interesting.  I honestly don’t know how I’d survive it here without them!

I really do have countless people in my life that make each day so great.  To those closest to me; I hope you know how much you mean to me.  And I’m so grateful you trust me with your love, and the challenges of your life.  I’m so happy to be part of your life and so grateful you’re in mine.

Until the Oklahoma post… adios friends!